THE NINE FIXATION: THE CORE ANGER POINT
"Hello there. My name is Yantra Srinivasan. So nice to meet you. Stevie's asked me to say a few words about the Nine fixation. Well, it can be summed up in just two: Ugg Boots!
"Don't you just love Ugg Boots? I mean, what's not to love? Warm, soft, woolly, comfortable; it's like wearing a wool-lined womb on each foot. They're all I wear in winter. Well, those and clothes.
"What else? Oh, I know. Do you ever get annoyed at your body? Your physical body? The one that you're wearing right now . . . your meat puppet. Is it uncomfortable? Does it irritate you?
"GEEEZZUUSSS, mine does. I just hate it. It makes me so angry most of the time. But you won't see me getting angry. Never. That feels WAY worse than a little bit of discomfort in the body, let me tell you. Anger—now that's uncomfortable. There's no way I'm gonna feel that. Uh, uh. No sir. 'Avoid feeling anger at all costs,' that's my motto. Actually, now I think about it, perhaps it should be, 'Avoid feeling anything at all costs.'
"Now give me a nice comfortable armchair, that's the ticket. Maybe put a few snacks on the side table just in case I get the munchies later . . . then I'm gonna take a nap. Aaaah, sleep. My favourite thing in the whole wide world.
"The problem is, though, when I'm sleeping people always seem to want to bother me. Why me? I mean, am I their personal problem solver or something? What's all that about? It may be three o'clock in the afternoon, but it's nap time. I guess I should stop being such a good listener . . . or turn my phone off!
"But it gets worse. Because I never want to upset anyone I'll say, 'Yes, absolutely,' to dinner at my least favourite restaurant, and end up talking about their problems, when what I really want to say is, 'No, fuck off and let me sleep.' What is that about? I get so annoyed at myself for doing that, being so damned agreeable all the time.
"Worst thing of all, though, is when people start arguing right in front of me. I just can't stand that. When that happens, I can't help myself but get involved:
"I – REALLY – NEED – YOU – ALL – TO – JUST – SETTLE – DOWN – AND – GET – ALONG – RIGHT – NOW. O – K – ? COM – PREN – DE – ?
"Then I feel like a total ass for having lost my temper, so I'll sell myself out and try to fix their problems when I know I shouldn't get involved. I always seem to be helping other people with their issues and somehow ignoring my own. I can be such an idiot sometimes.
"I think I need to go and have a lie down; I'm not feeling so good. Excuse me won't you . . ."
"Now— when I don't follow the desire to be comfortable all the time; when I don't indulge the urge to be accommodating, and smooth over conflict; when I don't let the discomfort of my physical body irritate me; when I stop being fake; when I don't ignore what's important; and when I really tell the truth—to myself and to others—then I feel so much more alive. It's like a fog has lifted, and the world is brighter and more vivid than it used to be; everything was so foggy and murky before.
"The 'telling-the-truth' bit is SO important, I can't stress it enough. The thing is, when I really tell the truth, all the way, I find that I have to stand up to people more and more. Really confront them, you know? I might even have to disagree with them at times—now that's challenging.
"When I stay centred and present, with a quiet mind and an open heart, and when I express the truth naturally and equanimously, things actually get done. Not like before when I was always running around in circles (or doing nothing at all, more likely), chasing my tail, and being ineffectual. Now people come to me looking for advice and guidance on things that really matter. Interestingly, I'm discovering, deep within myself, a well of wisdom that I didn't even know existed, that is delivering it . . ."
THE EIGHT FIXATION: The EXTERIORIzED ANGER POINT
"Well, well, well. So nice for you to meet me! Ha, ha! You can call me Lobida; I'm Sugar to my friends. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
"So Stevie wants me to tell you what it feels like to be me. What it's like to have the Eight fixation running the show. IT FEELS GREAT! Well . . . mostly.
"I love that I have boundless energy, and the continuous motivation to be having a good time. My personal motto: 'If your not on your way to the next party, you're on your way to the grave!'
"My family didn't have a chance, poor sods. They tried treating me nice . . . and I shoved nice back in their faces. They tried treating me bad . . . and I shoved bad back in their faces. Win, win for me; lose, lose for them. Such a shame, suckers.
"So what would you like to know? Is it all fun and games? That's how it looks from the outside, isn't it? A little party here, a bit of debauchery there. Excess cocaine last night, excess pills and booze tonight. Sometimes it does get to be a drag to be up all the time, I have to admit. People do expect me to be the life of the party . . . SO I AM!! Waiter, more CHAMPAGNE!!
"Aren't people stupid though? You know what I mean? I get so pissed off when I'm confronted with stupidity . . . and I let the dumb f*%&ers know about it. I've always said there's no use pussy-footing around being nice to people when they've got a lesson to learn. Learn it, damn you, and get out of my face!
"Does it get me into trouble? My big mouth, you mean? YES SIR! You better be damned sure it does.
"Is that a problem? HELL TO THE NO! Bring it on, I say. The only problem is that most people don't have the balls to back up their words: they're all talk and no action. One little jibe from me and they're out the door. Pussies! Bye, bye.
"Do I like to be in charge? Are you kidding me? That aint even a question, is it? Nodoy does it better, baby, and don't you forget it or your sorry ass gonna be whipped to Mars and back.
"Phew, it's hot in here. Anyone wanna buy a lady a drink? . . ."
"Now—when I stop dominating people (gasp); when I admit that I'm not always right (gasp); when I don't indulge the need to be the most fabulous person in the room (gasp); when I'm humble and vulnerable (gasp); and when I give up control (GASP), then my body shakes with the volcano of rage that has been squashed into my panties, or spat out at the world, my whole life.
"As this rage is allowed to be present without it being externalized, as I would normally do, it feels like I am awakening out of a bad dream, and coming alive in a totally new way. It's peaceful, and quite beautiful actually.
"When I stay centred and present, with a quiet mind and an open heart, I can see that my needs are not the most important thing in the world. I find myself doing things for other people without needing anything in return, and I find I am highly motivated to do so.
"Most surprising of all, I am finding a precious, tender part of myself that I don't have to hide or protect anymore; I can just let it be. This tender flower is the source of humility and innocence. It feels quite delightful . . ."
THE ONE FIXATION: THE INTERIORIZED ANGER POINT
"Hello. My name is Lola, but everyone calls me Mrs Chu. Stevie wants me to tell you what it's like living with the One fixation. Well, it's stiff. Rigid. Righteous. Oh, and judgmental. That pretty much sums it up.
"Is that enough Stevie? I've got another meeting to get to. No? OK, just a little bit more then.
"Well, I spend most of my days making sure that everything gets done correctly; there's rarely any time to relax. Not only do I have to be constantly on guard to make sure that I'm doing everything perfectly, but I also have to be on everyone else's case as well; it's exhausting, actually.
"Is it not a fact that just about everyone in the entire world, particularly politicians, is either stupid or lazy? Right? You know what I mean, don't you? You look pretty smart.
"And no one pays attention to details these days. My personal motto: 'The proof is in the attention to detail.'
"Now I'm not completely uptight all the time, although my son, William, might disagree. Sometimes I don't clean up William's mess until the following day. I just get so nervous about disease. You really don't want cockroaches and flies invading your cupboards and surfaces. Pretty soon there'll be Ebola on the Lower East Side, then I'll be busy saving lives in a Hazmat suit, and I'll have even less time to save the world and finish that tapestry I started back in 1987.
"Questions? Yes, I'm a social sub-type. I think it's pretty obvious, don't you? Family is extremely important, and I do like to tell other people the way things should be; that's just who I am. Like it, or leave it!
"The only problem I have really is that there aren't more of me. If I could just have a team of 100 Mrs Chu's for a few weeks, the world would be cleaned up and ship-shape in no time. Can you imagine? I'd be running the government; I'd be monitoring the multinationals; I'd be shutting down coal power stations and making it compulsory to install solar panels on every roof; recycling would be mandatory; I would pretty much control how everybody lived their lives. Global warming would be a thing of the past, and most of the world's problems would be behind us.
"What's that dear? I sound like Hitler or Stalin? Perhaps I do, but when I'm right—which is only ALL of the time—why let things be done poorly when I know I can do them better myself . . ."
"Now—when I relax; when I let go of the need to be in control of everything all the time; when I stop believing that I'm always in the right; when I breathe, and allow other people to be themselves; when I stop judging myself, other people, and the world, for not being perfect; when I let things be, and allow life to run its course naturally, then I feel like I'm going to die. I feel out of control . . . and it actually feels thrilling and exciting. It's this anger that I have suppressed my whole life coming up. It feels like it's lighting me up, as it were.
"All of the time and energy that used to go into making sure things were done my way can then be channeled into helping other people, but without it becoming my agenda. There is such a lightness and joy in this, I can't quite believe it.
"When I stay centred and present, with a quiet mind and an open heart, I quite naturally am drawn to help people or situations that need support. Before I was an activist, but I was an angry activist and I would get burned out quickly. Now I'm an activist, but I'm a kind, caring, sacred activist. It feels so much more fulfilling, and is infinitely more effective . . ."